Friday, 23 August 2013

My Heart Got Kicked In The Ass - The Prequel (Part 1)

This was the dream..

I was messaging one of my Tumbler followers recently and this person mentioned that it was a pleasure to read my blog and that my posts were well written (I don't mean to sing my own praises; though this helped to boost my considerably large ego further).

This person also mentioned something else that struck me “your words carry a certain amount of wisdom.” I considered this for a moment. Wisdom comes from your life experiences and sometimes those experiences aren't necessarily good ones. And they can come at a cost.

If I ever got my hands on a time-travelling DeLorean one of the things I'd do is go back into the past and correct some stuff. Well..a lot of stuff. One of the things I'd try to fix is the night of my prom. And then maybe I would invest in Google.

For me “Prom” has always been a dirty word. I tend to associate it with one of the worst nights in my life. *SPOILER ALERT* It does not end well. My prom night has been on my mind lately and I figured that writing about it will help bring me some closure. When I became sad after watching Kaelyn & Lucy's videos writing about them helped me get over how I had been feeling.

I was never really allowed to take part in extra-curricular activities in school. It's kind of complicated. Once, when most of the Year 10s went on a field trip that would require us to be away from home for a few days my Dad said I could go but he'd be following as well to accompany me; I opted to stay back in school with a few others. I also never really got to attend any of my proms back when I was doing my O-levels. And I was okay with that, I didn't have a reason to go.

Back in school I was a very shy person and I didn't speak much. When other kids were having lunch in the canteen during recess or playing sports, I would be in the library reading a book. I liked the library, it was my refuge. I felt awkward and insecure; like I didn't fit in (#teenageproblems).

A few years later when I did my A-levels things did improve for me. I think it was because there were fewer people who stayed back at my school to continue their studies; there were only thirty-six students who stayed for Year 12. I interacted more with other students and made some new friends. And my confidence grew a little.

I still skipped my Year 12 prom but in my final year I made the decision to go. Maybe it was because it would have been my last chance to ever attend a prom that motivated me. Of course the main reason was that there was a girl I really wanted to ask out. So the first step was asking my Dad if I could go; after all he would technically be paying for it. And surprisingly he said yes, I was nervous and ecstatic at the same time. Now all I had to do was ask the girl out.

I need to go back and explain some stuff. Because I was so shy in the past this meant I never talked to girls. Which meant that I never dated; compared with most of my peers who were constantly dating/breaking up with each other and then switching partners like it was an episode of Dawson's Creek. And because I never had a girlfriend I never had a reason to go to prom. Sure I could have gone to prom ALONE..but it was far less expensive/embarrassing to turn on the radio in my room and to sing and dance like no one was watching. one was really watching.

In 6th form I was talking more, especially with girls. I was still shy but not as much as before. And I spent a lot more time with one particular girl. Lets call her Adilyn; that's not her real name of course. I'm just a fan of True Blood. And the more time I spent with Adilyn the more I started getting attracted to her.

And we were spending more time together because at that point she had broken up with her boyfriend and we had a few classes together. We both hung out together in the common room. We even took driving lessons together and I got to spend some time with her at her house. I once walked her to her brothers office that was close to our school. We spent all that time talking about everything and nothing and to me that felt like bliss.

As I spent more time with her I realized that she was funny/cute/beautiful and all the stuff you think of when you get captivated by someone. My best friend TJ still gives me crap about it sometimes, he didn't understand the attraction. He will play a big part later in the story. All I can say in my defence was that I was eighteen and she was my first real crush and I behaved like a teenage boy in “love.”

I had made that classic mistake that we have all made at some point in our lives. I mistook her being nice to me and wanting to spend time with me as a sign of mutual affection. Maybe asking her outright if she liked me back would have saved me a lot of trouble. Unfortunately, at that particular point in time I didn't think about that possibility. Love/infatuation can be a very powerful thing. I should have known better. As one other wise person said “you don't get a cookie for being nice.”


The first hurdle was of course to ask Adilyn if she wanted to be my date to prom. And even that didn't go according to plan. I was going to ask her privately but at the time she was in the common room with her friends. Eventually, as she was leaving the common room I tried to ask her but right at that moment I got tongue-tied; I mumbled something along the lines of “would you like to go to prom with me.”

It was an epic fail. I remember not getting a response at first. TJ was there as well; from what he remembers she just giggled and left with her group of friends. Which is kind of horrible if you think about it. Eventually I found out that Adilyn could be a lot more horrible. I can't remember exactly who talked to me but I'm pretty sure someone told me to give her a call. And so I did. And then she said yes. It was an amazing feeling.

For the record, it was practically an open secret amongst us 6th formers that I fancied Adilyn. Pretty much everyone twigged on how I felt because of the way I was behaving around Adilyn. Of course, I told TJ about wanting to ask her out. I still don't know if Adilyn herself knew. I suspect she did, especially after I asked her to prom. And if she did why didn't she just tell me she wasn't interested in me back?

Besides being a meticulous planner I am also a bit of a romantic. In my head I would get the slow dance; maybe if I was lucky the first kiss and then if the odds were in my favour Adilyn would become my girlfriend. I had built things up in my head too much. I created a fantasy where everything fell into place. And boy did reality give me a kicking.

The weeks leading up to the prom flew by pretty fast. I found out from Adilyn's friends the types of flowers she liked. So instead of one bouquet I got two, as well the traditional corsages. I even talked my Dad into letting me have a suit made for myself.

Adilyn and I even went shopping together before prom. If there's one thing you need to know about me is that I hate having to go shopping. And browsing the shops. And hanging out in shopping malls. If I ever need to go shopping I treat it like a military operation. I make a list of what I need; I go at a time when there's very few people, get exactly what I need and go home. In and out; just like the Navy SEALs. But going shopping with Adilyn was the exception, I liked going shopping with her. She helped me pick out a tie, dress suit and shoes to go with my suit. At that point things were looking up.

No comments:

Post a Comment