Sunday, 12 January 2014

Needless nitpicking

noun: nitpicking; noun: nit-picking
1. fussy or pedantic fault-finding.
"nitpicking over tiny details"

Some things caught my attention this week. But first let's talk about Faiz. Besides sharing too much information with people I also need to work on my nitpicking as well as my sarcasm. I don't want to get rid of it entirely; this blog would probably cease to exist if that happens. But I want to cut back on my nitpicking and sarcastic remarks just a little bit. Life would be slightly easier.

For example, if someone were to ask me a question I COULD just give the person a straightforward answer but instead I use sarcasm. Because I think it's funny; except it's not. Most often than not I'm just met with silence. Ask my friend Sara..she'll tell you (mind you, she doesn't get sarcasm.) And the side effect of this is that my family, friends and random people I meet tend not to take me too seriously.

But I digress, let's get back on topic. Lately my mother has enjoyed watching cooking shows, which is definitely an upgrade from when she used to watch The Bold and The Beautiful (I'm not a big fan of soap operas.) I don't understand why she watches cooking shows in the first place. She makes notes of all the recipes but never cooks any of the food. I mean, what's the point?

I mean, it's like having a National Security Agency but not spying on your own citizens or the citizens of other countries. Which is why I applaud the United States of America for watching everyone because we can't be trusted. And clearly they can (I must admit, not my best analogy); I haven't read Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell but I'm pretty sure it's about a future in a totalitarian state where everyone is watched; everyone lives happily and is glad that the state acts like a Big Brother. Definitely need to read that book someday.

Gone off topic again, what I wanted to say was the thing that got my attention was the advertisements for a cooking show; “Good Eats” hosted by Alton Brown. The ads had these short quotes from people. And they got me thinking. Here's one:

Clearly Katherine W of Albuquerque New Mexico has never seen a cooking show before. This is such an understatement; it's like saying “Faiz uses words in his blog.” Or maybe this is the first one she's ever seen. Well Katherine, strange thing is there are probably..let's say about a few hundred cooking shows.

And they pretty much all explain cooking techniques. What has Katherine been doing all this time? Has she been hanging out in the kitchen watching my mother cooking? My mother never explains cooking techniques. In fact, if I ask too many questions I get hit on the head with a spatula. And the next quote is the best:

I'm a little concerned here about the welfare of Michele's son. I think the social services in Portland, Oregon need to drop by Michele's house. You can't be too good a parent if you can't get your child to eat.

And then I saw a different ad for Nissan's latest offering the Nissan Rogue. Apparently this ad has been annoying people in America because it's been aired too many times. I wouldn't know but it seems a little strange. It's like getting angry at a music station for playing too much music. That's what ad's are for. To get you to buy their stuff they need to keep playing it over and over again. Anyway, the ad starts off with a warning:

How paranoid is Nissan's legal department? What have they been smoking? Then again, McDonald's did get sued for it's coffee being too hot. Maybe a little paranoia is good; after all, I have my laptop camera covered with a piece of tape. Dear NSA, I have nothing to hide, I'm just really really shy. On a side note, the NSA can access any iPhone any time they want to. Oh well, one less reason to buy Apple. Anyway during the ad there are two more warnings by Nissan:

So what you're saying is that the Nissan Rogue CAN'T jump incredible height's and land on top of a moving train while being light enough not to crush the carriage? Well Sir (or Madam) I'm afraid you've just lost a customer! I'm currently looking for a car that I can jump on trains with. But if this is a fantasy does that mean the Fast and Furious movies were fake as well? I mean that can't be true; why would they make seven? Surely it can't only be about the money?

I will admit though that the driver in the ad is quite attractive and an incredible driver. She seems perfect for me. Maybe I can ask her out on a date? Maybe one day we'll end up married with a few kids. And then we'll spend our retirement playing with our grandchildren. Wait..“FANTASY. DO NOT ATTEMPT.” Damn you Nissan! You ruined everything!

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