Let them eat mamak....

I think it's safe to say that Malaysians are obsessed with food. And that may not be such a good thing, considering the expanding waistlines of many Malaysians (including myself.) But I'm not here to lecture you on healthy eating habits; at least not this post, this week. That can come later.

What I want to talk about is the one place that bring Malaysians together. The humble “mamak” restaurant. While there are many other food establishments to choose from I'd like to think that the mamak restaurant is unique to us. Kinda like fish and chips in England. Now you could probably open up a fish and chip shop in KL but it just wouldn't “feel” the same.

As someone who lives in KL whenever I'm in doubt as to where to have my next meal the mamak is where I turn to. Especially since I'm that type of guy who can't/won't cook. This is slightly off topic but while I do subsribe to a lot of cooking channels on Youtube I can never seem to bring myself to actually cook the meal. C'est la vie....

There are certain things that I find endearing about eating at a mamak be it a stall, van or proper restaurant. First of all the mamak is a place where all Malaysians converge; we may worship in different places but whether you are down-and-out or well-to-do, you will visit the mamak at least once during the week. Unless, of course you're a yuppie/hipster; in which case you'll never find yourself outside a Starbucks. Gawd those people annoy me...

Another thing that I quite like is that everyone is called "Boss", from the server to the customer. When you want to order you just raise your hand and call out “Boss” and when it's time to pay get called “Boss” as well; it's almost utopian. Why should we have to use names?

And the mamak is a cheaper alternative compared to some other food outlets, though that's not always the case. Once I got charged RM7 for a mee soup which is scandalous. These mamaks are what we call "cekik darah" and must be avoided at all costs so that they will die out.

The standard meal at any decent mamak is roti canai and teh tarik. Just to illustrate how important roti canai is a few years ago when the Government was planning too reduce the subsidy for flour the mamaks were threatening to stop making roti canai. And over the years the menu at a mamak has diversified, you can now find Thai and Western dishes on the menu. There is even a variation on the basic foodstuff like roti tisu, roti milo, naan cheese, naan keema and many more.

It's not all great. Service and cleanliness can be a factor. The standard excuse at a mamak is 'It's on the way'; once it took forty five minutes before our food arrived. A girl I knew in sixth form told me that once she saw the waiter at a local mamak drop a fried chicken drumstick onto the floor, he then picked it up, brushed it off and put it back on the plate. Another negative in my opinion is the yuppie culture creeping into the mamak (many now have wi-fi). Occasionally you can find people with laptops sitting there (it's amazing that they get upset when you look at their screen); personally I think they should just stay at Starbucks.

Sometimes you can find mamak culture abroad, a friend of mine living in Sydney (Rachel Kelapakepala; that's her actual name) went to a restaurant called "Mamak". She ordered a rojak and paid AU$12 (total rip btw) and she says that over there they eat roti canai with Vegemite; it's not the same. I'd just like to point out that Australian mamak culture doesn't even come close to MALAYSIAN mamak culture which is the best.

Above all else the mamaks serves an important social function as a place where people gather to meet with one another. One of the most frequent sights you see at the mamak are many "Shadow Governments"; these are small groups of mostly retired men (with nothing else to do) sitting at tables discussing how the country should be run. Now I'm not the one who is in a position to judge whether the various ideas on domestic and foreign policies are infeasible or otherwise.

But seriously, when you spend most of your time at a mamak you're probably not going to effect government decisions very much. The mamak also plays an important role during live sporting events; this is because they usually have satellite tv and there is the added convenience of having food and drinks just a few feet away. So during this years world cup you can expect many people to spend their nights there.

My favourite mamak is near Masjid India by the river, it's very small and basic compared to most mamaks but it does very good business. As far as I'm concerned it has the best teh tarik and I do enjoy having a "roti special"; what's so special about it? I guess you just have to go and find out yourself.

Links:

We're Here for the Art – Last weeks post

hungrygowhere – Malaysia food guide

More on the Mamak Stall

Obesity in Malaysia

“Teh Tarik” Image Credit

“Indian Feast” Image Credit

We're here for the art..

“throwback”

A sudden reminder of the past. This can be brought about by hearing a song from high school, seeing an ex, puffing on a j in your old puffin spot, etc. Similar to a flashback

For some reason I've been thinking about the last time I visited London. It was a pretty memorable trip. I was with my parents and we were there to visit my sister who was living there at the time.

This was some time ago, back when Trafalgar Square still had pigeons (thanks Mayor Ken) and tourists had the pleasure of getting pigeon poop on them after feeding them. It was one of the things tourists did when they were in London; feed pigeons and harass the Queen's guard. At least some things remain the same.

Some highlights from the trip:

• Convincing my Dad to take me on a open top bus tour of London. My Dad enjoyed it so much he ended up falling asleep. We did pass by Trafalgar Square and stopped under a tree full of pigeons. Earned our tourist badge right there.
• My sister took us to an art museum. Because that's what you do....especially when your family has absolutely no interest in modern art. I did almost touch one of the paintings and ruin a security guards day.
• Spending a large some of money at Funland and SegaWorld playing the arcade machines. Money well spent in my opinion. I just found out that Funland no longer exists and that the building is going to be permanently closed TOMORROW to be turned into a hotel :( #cestlavie

The most memorable and excruciatingly painful part of the the trip was when my sister was taking us on a tour of London. This was after the trip to the art museum; we had little to no fun there and we were walking back when it started to rain. And as luck would have it we didn't bring an umbrella.

I can't remember what street we were on but my sister quickly led us into art gallery to get out of the rain. And luckily for us there was a photography exhibition being held there. The first photograph that I laid my eyes on was of a naked pregnant woman lying down in a field.

I was 12 years old at the time and this was the first naked picture I'd ever seen. I was a little embarrassed and diverted my attention to another picture. Which featured the same pregnant woman standing in a courtyard with an elderly man and woman. Nude of course.

Now apparently there is a big debate as to whether photography is art. I don't really care either way, I'll just leave it up to the “experts” to decide. But I will say that I don't think the photos on display that day was art. The photographer it seems, took a trip through Europe and asked a lot of regular people if he could take nude photos of them. And apparently a lot of them said yes.

I didn't know where to look so I just turned around and faced the entrance. Long story short, after a few brief moments we all left and went back out into the pouring rain. And never spoke of what happened again.

Some links to check out:

Last weeks post

London Trocadero

The line between art and photography

Image Credit – Snoopy the art critic

Ouch!

A few curious people have asked me about the time I got slapped in the face by my Dad; this is because few weeks ago I wrote a post about a Malaysian couple living in Sweden who were arrested for allegedly hitting their son on the hand.

Like I mentioned in the earlier post, growing up I was never really hit. Maybe a handful of times by either one of my parents. So when it did happen it was not something that I forgot easily. Especially, an incident that took place one particular night...*cue ominous music”*..

I was about 9 years-old at the time and I was following my Dad to the Mosque for night-time prayers. Now being a somewhat energetic and mischievous child when not in school (as a student I had decided to take a vow of silence) I was given very simple instructions by my Dad. I was NOT to play or run around the Mosque.

Since I was a somewhat energetic and mischievous child I forgot what he had said the moment he left me alone. Maybe if I was alone I could have behaved myself; unfortunately the presence of other children made that impossible. It's like asking Dexter not to murder people (albeit people who we wouldn't mind being murdered) or asking Sherlock not to solve crimes with style.

Besides being energetic and mischievous I am also accident-prone. Which is a very bad combination in a 9 year-old (I've mellowed quite a bit in now.) Anyway, long story short I ended up playing hide and seek with a couple of other children. In an effort to avoid the seekers I decided to climb a low wall (roughly 6 feet); I managed to climb up on one side but the moment I got my foot over the top I lost my grip and fell head first onto the concrete. (#Fail)

For some reason as I was writing this post I thought of a line out of the Mighty Ducks “Take the fall! Act Hurt! Get indignant!” Well, I couldn't “act” hurt I was hurt and I was dazed and confused. I was really “lucky” since there was a drain close by and I could have easily fallen into that.

I don't know how long I blacked out for, the moment I came to I had a headache and I touched the side of my head and realized I had blood on my hand. I was still in shock and slowly I made my way back to the Mosque and I knew I was in trouble when one of the guys there saw me approaching and looked panicked.

I was surrounded by a few adults at this time and someone had gone to fetch my Dad. When he got to me he took one look and that's when it happened; I got one quick slap to the face. In my Dad's defence it was on the spur of the moment. It still hurt though. I guess a few people held him back a bit and told him to calm down. He then took me by the hand and we went straight to the car and headed for the hospital.

That was probably one of the longest car journeys of my life. I exaggerate of course, it was only about 5 minutes; but on top of the headache and my face hurting, I got a severe telling-off for not being able to listen to simple instructions. On the bright side getting slapped in the face really cleared my head.

I did end up having to get a few stitches and luckily I didn't require a serious operation. The Doctor just gave me local anaesthetic and proceeded to stitch my forehead. I think was scared at the time and I asked my Dad to hold my hand, which he did. I'm pretty sure at this time he felt really guilty for slapping me in the face.

There's one important thing you need to know about my Dad; he is afraid of blood. Maybe “afraid” is too harsh (I wouldn't want him to read this and give me another slap for making him look bad.) Let's just say he wasn't fond of the sight of blood. A few years back when I required a little surgery it was my mother who held my hand while my Dad sat in the corner reading my Archie (erm..I meant my sister's) comics.

For my Dad to hold my hand was a pretty big deal. Of course, he didn't want to look directly at my injury so he held my hand while he was crouched next to the operating table. It's kinda funny now that I think about it, Gawd only knows what the Doctor and nurses thought.

I guess I can call myself lucky if that was the worst punishment I ever received in my life. And I did talk about it with my Dad recently and he regrets what happened. Some people would say that I should have listened to my father; or say that my father shouldn't have slapped me in the face in the fist place.

For me, it's a memory I can always look back upon as a moment when I realized that my Dad really did love me (not that I had any doubts)..

Me and the ole man- #lovemydad

P.S. In an update to that story of the Malaysian couple - Their children have finally been brought back to live with their relatives in Malaysia. The couple are still being remanded and will soon be charged 

Links to check out:

That's it! Time out for you..

Image Credit - Ouch! 

Children of Malaysian couple back home

I (don't) Gotta Feeling..

The internet is an amazing place, you never know what you might accidentally come across. It's not all cat porn..I mean..it's not all cat's and porn (I don't even want to know what happens if you do happen to Google “cat porn”; probably the NSA will call the SPCA to drone your house.)

Anyway, what I had come across by accident on Youtube is Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) and according to the Wikipedia ASMR is “ a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, olfactory, and/or cognitive stimuli.” Or as I would put it simply certain things make you “feel stuff” or to put it even more simply you could call it “sound porn”; I just Googled “sound porn” and the results are quite interesting.

And apparently it feels really nice. For some people it helps them relax. Since I'm curious and sceptical by nature (and had nothing better to do), I decided to watch a few of these ASMR videos just to see what this “pleasurable tingling sensation” feels like. And for science of course; plus I thought that my scalp could use a little stimulation.

I found out there are many channels dedicated to ASMR. Most of these videos require you to wear headphones to get the most out of the experience. What are ASMR videos like to watch? Well..somewhat strange would be the best way to put it. There tends to be a lot of whispering and brushing; one of the first videos I watched had a woman touching a microphone (that's not a euphemism.)

I watched the WHOLE 21 minute video and she basically scratched and later brushed the microphone. I didn't get much of a tingling sensation but it did make think “WTF am I watching?” and make me wonder what I was doing with my life. She did have nice fingernails though..

The next video I watched was of a woman whispering into a mic in Italian; I have no idea what she said (she could have been quoting Hannibal Lecter for all I know) but I now realize that the Italian language is really beautiful and I'm going to learn Italian on my Duolingo app as soon as I'm done with my Spanish.

There are many types of ASMR videos; besides trying to induce ASMR by making sounds with various objects, there are also a lot of role-playing videos. For example the person making the video will try to simulate a doctor's appointment; getting a head massage (seriously) or getting a haircut. The strangest one I saw was a “girlfriend role-play”; I think having a girlfriend IRL is a lot more appealing.

I admit that these videos made me a little bit sleepy; not because they were making me relaxed. But only out of boredom since nothing was happening. Maybe if I had experienced these mind blowing tingling sensations that some people claim to feel I would feel differently about ASMR.

I conducted a somewhat less-than-scientific study by asking a couple of people to watch ASMR videos and based or preliminary results I can say that ASMR doesn't seem to affect Malaysian or Canadians. Further observation is required..

Before I get hate mail from ASMR enthusiasts let me say that I'm not saying it doesn't work, I'm saying it doesn't work for me. And when I say “strange” I don't mean bad; it's just different. It's more of a personal thing; when I need to feel concentrate on writing or relax I just listen to a website dedicated to the sound of pouring rain. It's “strange” to some people but it's not a bad thing; not like cat porn. I also like to play Planetside 2 and kill for the Terran Republic (Go TR!)

But check out the ASMR links and go see for yourself, don't just take my word for it. So ASMR didn't work for me and I didn't enjoy it but like Pope Frank who am I to judge? Plus my scalp might not be as virile as it used to be..

Some links to check out:

What is ASMR? by Rhett and Link

ASMR touching and brushing the microphone

ASMR whispering in Italian

ASMR role-play haircut

ASMR role-play girlfriend

ASMR 3-D sound (just watch it)

Image Credit of puppet with headphones

RainyMood

Andjust for no particular reason a link to “sex sounds”

Let's talk: Gravity

Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen Gravity then do not continue. Seriously, stop now; put on something nice, get out of your house and watch the film. Bring a friend. Oh and watch it in 3D.

Unless NASA reduces it's recruitment requirements drastically (who knows, maybe one day they'll want to put a fat blogger on the moon), then watching Gravity will be the closest I get into space. For the time being I have to be content with looking up at the stars with my telescope. When it's not being pointed at someone's window..(just kidding)..

I guess I could always put my spare $250,000 to good use and book a seat on a Virgin Galactic flight but it might be a touch disappointing compared to what Sandra Bullock goes through in Gravity. Technically we're all already in “space” since Earth is technically a “spaceship” travelling at roughly 900,000 Kilometres :O I know....mind blown.

Gravity is now part of my top 5 favourite space films. The list is as follows:

1. Gravity
2. Sunshine
3. Apollo 13
4. Armageddon
5. RocketMan

Don't judge me on those last two! I like what I like. I know most people didn't like Armageddon but it was the 90's and the World was going to be destroyed in 2000 so I couldn't afford to be picky. Also, I may have gotten a touch emotional at the scene where Bruce Willis had to say goodbye to Liv Tyler. As for Rocketman? Well...I liked the special effects in that film.

But let's get back to Gravity; I get distracted easily and if I find myself not enjoying a film then I have to resist the urge to take my phone out or try to keep from falling asleep. Gravity was not one of those films, it held my attention the entire time. And with a running time of 91 minutes the film is the perfect length; not everything has to be over 2 hours long.

The film did take a while a while to “start” since there was a fair bit of dialogue in the beginning. I must admit I was a little worried for awhile. But the moment the shuttle crew gets the first warning that a satellite had disintegrated I was hooked. I will say that if you're someone who suffers from agoraphobia/claustrophobia you probably wouldn't enjoy the expanse of space or the point of view from inside the space suit.

And the best part of the film was the silence of space because we all know that in space no one can hear you scream. Even though there weren't loud explosions in Gravity it didn't reduce the tension one bit. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I like the use of imagery in the film; the moment when Sandra Bullock makes it to the ISS and she takes off her space suit. She goes into a foetal position and as she hangs there with the cables floating around her, she looks like a foetus in the womb.

I know there was some “controversy” when Neil DeGrasse Tyson made some observations about the film. He suddenly found himself trolled on Twitter; I guess everyone's a critic (including me apparently.) I'm neither an astronaut or a astrophysicist so the facts of Gravity don't really matter to me. Unless it's about Man of Steel.

For 91 minutes I was in a state of suspended disbelief; which speaks highly of the merit of Gravity. Which was a lot better compared to the experience of watching White house down where by brain basically went “Wtf, wtf, wtf,wtf” for most of the film.

One tiny criticism (which of the film that I may have is that astronauts don't really wear tights/spanx. In reality, most astronauts wear what is called a Maximum Absorbency Garment; or diapers to us civilians. I will say that Sandra Bullock looks just as nice in an American space suit as she does in a cosmonaut space suit.

Some links to check out:

My Man of Steel Review

Astronaut fact checks Gravity

That is it! Time out for you..

Something caught my attention this week, it was news story reported in The Star about a Malaysian couple who have been arrested in Sweden for allegedly hitting their son on the hand. In 1979 Sweden had banned corporal punishment; and by hitting (allegedly) their son on the hand the parents had broken the law.

After the school had reported the matter to the police the parents were arrested and all the children had been placed in foster care. So far, the parents have been detained for a month as in Sweden there is no bail system and arrested can be held in custody until their trial is complete. And it will be at least another two weeks until their case is heard.

There was some controversy over the placement of the children in foster care because they weren't allowed to meet their relatives who had flown in from Malaysia. One of the children, identified only as Ammar, said: “I miss Mummy and Daddy. We want to go back to Malaysia but they won’t let us. The Swedish social services with the help of representatives from the Malaysian Embassy are trying to find a Malaysian family to foster the children.

Khairy Jamaluddin who is the Minister of Youth and Sports described the extended detention of the Malaysian couple in Sweden as harsh. “Although we respect their law, I think extending the remand is harsh,” he said.

It's not everyday I find myself agreeing with this person but isn't it the pot calling the kettle black? I'm sure you could find some people inSweden who think it's a little “harsh” to arrest a couple foruploading a distasteful photo or arrest a dog trainer for uploading avideo on to Youtube.

According to an unnamed source (which doesn't exist since I'm making this part up), the parents are currently being held in a not-so-hard labour camp where they have to assemble IKEA furniture for those who can't read unbelievably simple instructions. I get it..jokes about IKEA furniture are common, but I couldn't help myself. I still love IKEA furniture :)

While some countries (around 30) have banned corporal punishment against children, discipline and punishment by parents (such as spanking) have always been a somewhat grey area. Besides what's wrong with a little discipline? Maybe if the Swedes were a little more stricter they wouldn't have lost the Battle of Poltava in 1709. That's right people, I just put Sweden on blast :P I'm kidding of course. But if any Swedes are upset over the mention of that historic loss to the Russians I would say “Seriously bro, let it go.”

Corporal punishment prohibited in schools and home/Corporal punishment prohibited in schools only

In case you're wondering,I have probably been hit by my parents a handful of times. I can't really remember getting hit except for one incident. In fact in most of these cases I would probably say I deserved it (it has nothing to do with the fact that they're standing over my shoulder right now.) I was a bit of a wild child. While my parents were somewhat strict, I could get away with stuff pretty easily. Especially with my mother.

About 12 years ago my Dad had left for a trip, I got really upset because I missed him. And when I get upset I like to eat junk food (I still do); so I asked my Mum to buy me some McDonald's before she got home. She forgot and long story short, the next morning my Mum tried in vain to drag me to the bathroom (I was a fat kid) since I decided to go on “strike.” And so, like the protesters in New York I decided to occupy my bedroom. Unlike the protesters, I got my way and not only missed school that day but also had a lovely McDonald's meal.

Hopefully this whole thing will be resolved soon. I don't think you can criticize a country for wanting for wanting to protect children while there are other countries out there who are trying to take away the rights of other people (looking at you Putin. And no, you can't use the same argument of protecting children to discriminate against the LGBT community.) And if you ever find yourself losing your patience with your child, just use the naughty step. Or you just might find yourself having to take a "time out."

Check out these links:

Can't we all just get along?

Malaysian couple in Swedish custody

Battle of Poltava

Cracked - IKEA

IKEA furniture causes “domestic disturbance”

Image Credit – Cornered

Image Credit – Corporal Punishment Europe

Vice Documentary – Young and Gay in Russia

Needless nitpicking

nitpicking

noun

informal

noun: nitpicking; noun: nit-picking

1. fussy or pedantic fault-finding.

"nitpicking over tiny details"

Some things caught my attention this week. But first let's talk about Faiz. Besides sharing too much information with people I also need to work on my nitpicking as well as my sarcasm. I don't want to get rid of it entirely; this blog would probably cease to exist if that happens. But I want to cut back on my nitpicking and sarcastic remarks just a little bit. Life would be slightly easier.

For example, if someone were to ask me a question I COULD just give the person a straightforward answer but instead I use sarcasm. Because I think it's funny; except it's not. Most often than not I'm just met with silence. Ask my friend Sara..she'll tell you (mind you, she doesn't get sarcasm.) And the side effect of this is that my family, friends and random people I meet tend not to take me too seriously.

But I digress, let's get back on topic. Lately my mother has enjoyed watching cooking shows, which is definitely an upgrade from when she used to watch The Bold and The Beautiful (I'm not a big fan of soap operas.) I don't understand why she watches cooking shows in the first place. She makes notes of all the recipes but never cooks any of the food. I mean, what's the point?

I mean, it's like having a National Security Agency but not spying on your own citizens or the citizens of other countries. Which is why I applaud the United States of America for watching everyone because we can't be trusted. And clearly they can (I must admit, not my best analogy); I haven't read Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell but I'm pretty sure it's about a future in a totalitarian state where everyone is watched; everyone lives happily and is glad that the state acts like a Big Brother. Definitely need to read that book someday.

Gone off topic again, what I wanted to say was the thing that got my attention was the advertisements for a cooking show; “Good Eats” hosted by Alton Brown. The ads had these short quotes from people. And they got me thinking. Here's one:

Clearly Katherine W of Albuquerque New Mexico has never seen a cooking show before. This is such an understatement; it's like saying “Faiz uses words in his blog.” Or maybe this is the first one she's ever seen. Well Katherine, strange thing is there are probably..let's say about a few hundred cooking shows.

And they pretty much all explain cooking techniques. What has Katherine been doing all this time? Has she been hanging out in the kitchen watching my mother cooking? My mother never explains cooking techniques. In fact, if I ask too many questions I get hit on the head with a spatula. And the next quote is the best:

I'm a little concerned here about the welfare of Michele's son. I think the social services in Portland, Oregon need to drop by Michele's house. You can't be too good a parent if you can't get your child to eat.

And then I saw a different ad for Nissan's latest offering the Nissan Rogue. Apparently this ad has been annoying people in America because it's been aired too many times. I wouldn't know but it seems a little strange. It's like getting angry at a music station for playing too much music. That's what ad's are for. To get you to buy their stuff they need to keep playing it over and over again. Anyway, the ad starts off with a warning:

How paranoid is Nissan's legal department? What have they been smoking? Then again, McDonald's did get sued for it's coffee being too hot. Maybe a little paranoia is good; after all, I have my laptop camera covered with a piece of tape. Dear NSA, I have nothing to hide, I'm just really really shy. On a side note, the NSA can access any iPhone any time they want to. Oh well, one less reason to buy Apple. Anyway during the ad there are two more warnings by Nissan:

So what you're saying is that the Nissan Rogue CAN'T jump incredible height's and land on top of a moving train while being light enough not to crush the carriage? Well Sir (or Madam) I'm afraid you've just lost a customer! I'm currently looking for a car that I can jump on trains with. But if this is a fantasy does that mean the Fast and Furious movies were fake as well? I mean that can't be true; why would they make seven? Surely it can't only be about the money?

I will admit though that the driver in the ad is quite attractive and an incredible driver. She seems perfect for me. Maybe I can ask her out on a date? Maybe one day we'll end up married with a few kids. And then we'll spend our retirement playing with our grandchildren. Wait..“FANTASY. DO NOT ATTEMPT.” Damn you Nissan! You ruined everything!

Some links to check out:

Nissan commercial annoying people

Watch the commercial – Commute

McDonald's “Hot Coffee” lawsuit

NSA can hack any iPhone