That is it! Time out for you..

Something caught my attention this week, it was news story reported in The Star about a Malaysian couple who have been arrested in Sweden for allegedly hitting their son on the hand. In 1979 Sweden had banned corporal punishment; and by hitting (allegedly) their son on the hand the parents had broken the law.

After the school had reported the matter to the police the parents were arrested and all the children had been placed in foster care. So far, the parents have been detained for a month as in Sweden there is no bail system and arrested can be held in custody until their trial is complete. And it will be at least another two weeks until their case is heard.

There was some controversy over the placement of the children in foster care because they weren't allowed to meet their relatives who had flown in from Malaysia. One of the children, identified only as Ammar, said: “I miss Mummy and Daddy. We want to go back to Malaysia but they won’t let us. The Swedish social services with the help of representatives from the Malaysian Embassy are trying to find a Malaysian family to foster the children.

Khairy Jamaluddin who is the Minister of Youth and Sports described the extended detention of the Malaysian couple in Sweden as harsh. “Although we respect their law, I think extending the remand is harsh,” he said.

It's not everyday I find myself agreeing with this person but isn't it the pot calling the kettle black? I'm sure you could find some people inSweden who think it's a little “harsh” to arrest a couple foruploading a distasteful photo or arrest a dog trainer for uploading avideo on to Youtube.

According to an unnamed source (which doesn't exist since I'm making this part up), the parents are currently being held in a not-so-hard labour camp where they have to assemble IKEA furniture for those who can't read unbelievably simple instructions. I get it..jokes about IKEA furniture are common, but I couldn't help myself. I still love IKEA furniture :)

While some countries (around 30) have banned corporal punishment against children, discipline and punishment by parents (such as spanking) have always been a somewhat grey area. Besides what's wrong with a little discipline? Maybe if the Swedes were a little more stricter they wouldn't have lost the Battle of Poltava in 1709. That's right people, I just put Sweden on blast :P I'm kidding of course. But if any Swedes are upset over the mention of that historic loss to the Russians I would say “Seriously bro, let it go.”

Corporal punishment prohibited in schools and home/Corporal punishment prohibited in schools only

In case you're wondering,I have probably been hit by my parents a handful of times. I can't really remember getting hit except for one incident. In fact in most of these cases I would probably say I deserved it (it has nothing to do with the fact that they're standing over my shoulder right now.) I was a bit of a wild child. While my parents were somewhat strict, I could get away with stuff pretty easily. Especially with my mother.

About 12 years ago my Dad had left for a trip, I got really upset because I missed him. And when I get upset I like to eat junk food (I still do); so I asked my Mum to buy me some McDonald's before she got home. She forgot and long story short, the next morning my Mum tried in vain to drag me to the bathroom (I was a fat kid) since I decided to go on “strike.” And so, like the protesters in New York I decided to occupy my bedroom. Unlike the protesters, I got my way and not only missed school that day but also had a lovely McDonald's meal.

Hopefully this whole thing will be resolved soon. I don't think you can criticize a country for wanting for wanting to protect children while there are other countries out there who are trying to take away the rights of other people (looking at you Putin. And no, you can't use the same argument of protecting children to discriminate against the LGBT community.) And if you ever find yourself losing your patience with your child, just use the naughty step. Or you just might find yourself having to take a "time out."

Check out these links:

Can't we all just get along?

Malaysian couple in Swedish custody

Battle of Poltava

Cracked - IKEA

IKEA furniture causes “domestic disturbance”

Image Credit – Cornered

Image Credit – Corporal Punishment Europe

Vice Documentary – Young and Gay in Russia

Needless nitpicking

nitpicking

noun

informal

noun: nitpicking; noun: nit-picking

1. fussy or pedantic fault-finding.

"nitpicking over tiny details"

Some things caught my attention this week. But first let's talk about Faiz. Besides sharing too much information with people I also need to work on my nitpicking as well as my sarcasm. I don't want to get rid of it entirely; this blog would probably cease to exist if that happens. But I want to cut back on my nitpicking and sarcastic remarks just a little bit. Life would be slightly easier.

For example, if someone were to ask me a question I COULD just give the person a straightforward answer but instead I use sarcasm. Because I think it's funny; except it's not. Most often than not I'm just met with silence. Ask my friend Sara..she'll tell you (mind you, she doesn't get sarcasm.) And the side effect of this is that my family, friends and random people I meet tend not to take me too seriously.

But I digress, let's get back on topic. Lately my mother has enjoyed watching cooking shows, which is definitely an upgrade from when she used to watch The Bold and The Beautiful (I'm not a big fan of soap operas.) I don't understand why she watches cooking shows in the first place. She makes notes of all the recipes but never cooks any of the food. I mean, what's the point?

I mean, it's like having a National Security Agency but not spying on your own citizens or the citizens of other countries. Which is why I applaud the United States of America for watching everyone because we can't be trusted. And clearly they can (I must admit, not my best analogy); I haven't read Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell but I'm pretty sure it's about a future in a totalitarian state where everyone is watched; everyone lives happily and is glad that the state acts like a Big Brother. Definitely need to read that book someday.

Gone off topic again, what I wanted to say was the thing that got my attention was the advertisements for a cooking show; “Good Eats” hosted by Alton Brown. The ads had these short quotes from people. And they got me thinking. Here's one:

Clearly Katherine W of Albuquerque New Mexico has never seen a cooking show before. This is such an understatement; it's like saying “Faiz uses words in his blog.” Or maybe this is the first one she's ever seen. Well Katherine, strange thing is there are probably..let's say about a few hundred cooking shows.

And they pretty much all explain cooking techniques. What has Katherine been doing all this time? Has she been hanging out in the kitchen watching my mother cooking? My mother never explains cooking techniques. In fact, if I ask too many questions I get hit on the head with a spatula. And the next quote is the best:

I'm a little concerned here about the welfare of Michele's son. I think the social services in Portland, Oregon need to drop by Michele's house. You can't be too good a parent if you can't get your child to eat.

And then I saw a different ad for Nissan's latest offering the Nissan Rogue. Apparently this ad has been annoying people in America because it's been aired too many times. I wouldn't know but it seems a little strange. It's like getting angry at a music station for playing too much music. That's what ad's are for. To get you to buy their stuff they need to keep playing it over and over again. Anyway, the ad starts off with a warning:

How paranoid is Nissan's legal department? What have they been smoking? Then again, McDonald's did get sued for it's coffee being too hot. Maybe a little paranoia is good; after all, I have my laptop camera covered with a piece of tape. Dear NSA, I have nothing to hide, I'm just really really shy. On a side note, the NSA can access any iPhone any time they want to. Oh well, one less reason to buy Apple. Anyway during the ad there are two more warnings by Nissan:

So what you're saying is that the Nissan Rogue CAN'T jump incredible height's and land on top of a moving train while being light enough not to crush the carriage? Well Sir (or Madam) I'm afraid you've just lost a customer! I'm currently looking for a car that I can jump on trains with. But if this is a fantasy does that mean the Fast and Furious movies were fake as well? I mean that can't be true; why would they make seven? Surely it can't only be about the money?

I will admit though that the driver in the ad is quite attractive and an incredible driver. She seems perfect for me. Maybe I can ask her out on a date? Maybe one day we'll end up married with a few kids. And then we'll spend our retirement playing with our grandchildren. Wait..“FANTASY. DO NOT ATTEMPT.” Damn you Nissan! You ruined everything!

Some links to check out:

Nissan commercial annoying people

Watch the commercial – Commute

McDonald's “Hot Coffee” lawsuit

NSA can hack any iPhone

Cheese anyone?

You never know who's watching

Recently the Harian Metro, one of Malaysia's leading tabloid newspapers published a story about a new trend that is becoming popular amongst the patrons of massage parlours. Apparently the men (no surprise there) were being given the option of having their body smeared with cream cheese; the “masseuse” would then lick the cheese of the client's body. Don't expect this special service from every spa; it's a brothel masquerading as a massage parlour.

Call me old-fashioned but I've always had the belief that food should be served on a plate. The only time this rule doesn't apply is when you're ordering from a drive-thru or if you happen to drop some food on the floor; if that happens then the 3-second rule is in effect. Plus it's a waste of good food. Then again I'm an old-fogey, so my opinion on such matters don't really apply.

I like how the country has been described as a “predominantly Muslim Malaysia, where conservative attitudes toward sex prevail.” This is only half-true, while Muslims are a majority (I'm one myself) we definitely do not have a “conservative” attitude to sex; after all, how conservative can we be as a country if there exists places where you can pay to have a “masseuse” lick cream cheese off your body?

And Malaysians have access to the internet. I'm pretty sure if you were to look through people's browsing history you'd find some pretty disturbing material. For the record, if you look through mine you'll see searches for “animals wearing clothes” and “cats that look like Hitler” as well as “How can I be a less perfect human being because I'm so awesome and my friends are all jealous of me.” Don't judge me! At least I'm not having someone use me as a savoury snack.

It's amazing what you can find on the internet. I just browsed Craigslist Malaysia and under the “services offered” section there are plenty of ads listing massages and escort services for gentlemen who just want a night of quiet conversation and the company of a beautiful young woman. And nothing else *wink wink*.'

I even found one ad asking for a female house cleaner. Which is not really strange; after all, cleanliness is next to godliness. But he (and I assume it's a man) did have one teeny tiny request. That she did it whilst in a state of undress (not creepy at all.)

Imagine if he had been given a Roomba this Christmas? The look of disappointment on his face would have been priceless. And the “men seeking women” section is a lot more creepier. Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to take a shower; for some reason I feel dirty (oh crap, maybe I'm a Muslim with a predominantly conservative attitude to sex.)

A town council official told the Harian Metro that “massage parlours would face stern action if found to be offering irresponsible activities.” Oooh...I bet the operators of such institutions are quaking in their boots. Hold on..I have just received this news flash:

BREAKING NEWS – massage parlours all over Malaysia have closed shop and moved to Singapore and Thailand , where the population is less predominantly Muslim and the prevailing attitudes towards sex are not as conservative. And of course they were afraid of the “stern actions” threatened by local council officials. Mission accomplished.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your viewpoint), like most countries the authorities in Malaysia tend to look the other way when it comes to prostitution. And I've seen it first hand. A few weeks ago I had to drive in the city to take my Dad to the bank. This particular bank is located adjacent to a hotel frequented by tourists. Since there was no parking available I ended up parked on a double yellow line (which is technically illegal.) But in my defence I wasn't alone, there were plenty of cars doing the same thing.

It was while waiting for my Dad that I noticed something strange about the driver of the car right in front of me. He was standing next to his car and he had a walkie-talkie attached to his belt. A few moments later I noticed a man (presumably a tourist) coming from the hotel and having a brief conversation with the driver of the car.

The tourist then opened the passenger door peered inside the car; then gestured towards someone inside the car and a young woman stepped out and they both went back towards the hotel. Turns out there were two women in the car; I think what was happening in front of me is pretty self-explanatory to everyone.

For some reason I started getting angry. I still don't know why. Maybe that night I was in a particularly bad mood. Maybe it was fact that these men were treating these women like commodities and were going to benefit from this transaction; one financially and one sexually.

Or maybe the real reason I got upset was that this man openly participating in the prostitution of women without any fear of being caught by the police. Meanwhile, the authorities are busy arresting a woman for uploading a video on Youtube; arresting a young couple for being politically incorrect (at least by Malaysian standards); or in a recent case allegedly (according to some critics) suspending a newspaper for publishing an article on the spending habits of the Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor.

The weekly newspaper “The Heat” had recently published an article titled “All eyes on big-spending PM Najib”; the report then listed expenditures incurred on overseas trips and consultancy fees as well as Rosmah's use of a government jet to attend a conference in Doha, Qatar.

Shortly after this The Heat received a suspension order from the Home Ministry.

I also have to emphasise the word “allegedly”; according to some opposition politician's The Heat was suspended because the article had portrayed the Prime Minister in a negative way.

According to the Home Ministry the suspension had nothing to do with the article; the publishing company had violated provisions mandated under its printing permit as well as failed to inform the Home Ministry about a change in ownership. The timing is just an unfortunate coincidence.

This is starting to get a bit long. I'm sorry for the diversion; in the beginning you were reading about cheese and sex and I managed to turn it into a piece about the Malaysian Government.

I guess in the end I'm just naïve. When you spend your time in front of a computer or reading a book you have a tendency to forget about how the real world works. And it can be depressing sometimes. Why can't the world just be sugar, spice and everything nice?

Of course, the big irony was that just as my dad was getting back in the car a security guard approached us as we were parked on a double yellow line. And that was illegal. Sigh..c'est la vie.

P.S. Last week I wrote an article about lighthouses and I have to admit that it's not my best writing. But of course, that's the one people read and commented on the most to me. In my defence, there are some weeks where I have nothing to write and last week's post is evident of that. I guess all I can say is I do what I can and please bear with me. Anyways, have a great week and be awesome every day or at least try to.

Some links to check out:

Last weeks post on lighthouses (eugh)

Bonus Post – Man of Steel Rant

My Ramblings Tumblr

Alvin Tan/Vivian Lee + Maznah Mohd Yusof arrested for “breaking the law”

Malaysian Spa's and cheese

The Heat suspended

FMT article about The Heats suspension

Image credit – Neighbourhood Watch sign

Angry rant on Man of Steel

Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen Man of Steel then do not continue or don't bother since it's just okay. It's definitely not Batman

Apparently I have a lot to say this week so here is an extra bonus post; my angry rant/review of Man of Steel. I watched Man of Steel recently and while I admit that it wasn't a bad film I sort of expected more. 3 out of 5 stars; it was slightly better than the last Superman film and a lot better than Green Hornet.

Here are a few things that sort of annoyed me about the film:

• Was it just me or were the prison capsules used to contain Zod and his minions a little..erm..phallic shaped? Maybe I'm just imagining things. I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have made of this
• All the “subtle” product placement in the film e.g. getting thrown through a 7-11; the close up of a Nokia phone (Seriously? If it was a Samsung or iPhone I would have found it a little more believable)
• The amount of collateral damage in the film. Metropolis was practically destroyed and thousand of its citizens killed before being “saved” (Thanks Superman..at least you caught Lois Lane)
• The fact that Lois Lane conveniently found herself on-board Zod's ship for no plausible reason except for plot development
• The fact that Superman had to terminate Zod with extreme prejudice. Most fans weren't happy with this; Superman usually tries to avoid killing people. It makes sense I guess, it's hard to have a moral code these days. Besides, not everyone can be Batman (oooh..Superhero burn)
• And to complete his disguise all it takes is a pair of glasses! Seriously! We still accept that part of the story?
• How about the existence of a super strong extraterrestrial living on Earth? Actually I'm okay with that.

Later in the film Superman destroys a drone and tells a General to stop following him. Does he seriously think that he can't be tracked? Clark baby, it's 2013! The NSA is already tracking everyone!

It's not like he's a hard guy to track down in the first place; all it took was a Pulitzer prize winning journalist (Lois Lane) to follow a few leads and eventually end up on his doorstep. And let's not forget the part where a police officer dropped Lois Lane off at Clark Kent's house while he's dressed as Superman (you dummy. Super Strong but not Super Smart.) I think Edward Snowden could have found out who Superman was in a heartbeat; to be fair, Lois Lane is a lot prettier than he is.

This might be a little controversial (not really) but I think the real hero of the film was Colonel Nathan Hardy. Technically, Superman did most of the work but he's practically invincible anyway; plus he got to make out with Lois Lane which is a fair bit of compensation for his troubles.

Meanwhile, the Colonel survives a helicopter crash, empties an entire clip into a bulletproof alien (he probably should have taken the hint after the first 3 rounds bounced off her.) When that didn't work tried to get into a knife fight with an adversary that was far stronger than him (I'll admit, a bit stupid that.)

And let's not forget the part where he Kamikaze's his plane into that machine thingy. Where is his parade? Where's his comic book? At least name a holiday after the poor guy! But no..Superman gets all the glory. And the girl. Bah Humbug!

The part that got to me the most was the ending. To keep a low profile so that he can go into dangerous situations without raising any suspicions Clark Kent decided to become a journalist. Because that worked so well for Lois Lane..oh wait. She did get to meet Superman after all.

Plus talk about a poor career choice; joining a dying profession. I don't think he was thinking long-term. He probably should have gotten a degree first. Besides if you really want to become anonymous just become a blogger.. Literally no one will pay attention to you (or me)..

RIP Colonel Nathan Hardy - A real Super Hero

P.S. Apparently if you happen to be stuck in the path of a tornado the last thing you want to do is hide under an overpass. People tend to get hit with debris or sucked out because of the strong winds. Basically, just get out of the tornado's path; or seek shelter in a well-constructed building; failing that just lie flat in a ravine or ditch

Have a great week! Here are some links to check out:

My other post this week – Cream cheese and Sex (Go on and click, you know you want to)

Last week's post – My thoughts on being a lighthoue keeper (Bit rubbish that)

How Superman should have ended (highly recommended!)

Tornado Overpass information

Edward Snowden's Christmas message

My Rambling's Tumblr

Image credit for Superman Logo

Keep On Dreaming..

One of my more recent pipedreams that I had floating about in my head is that I would make a great lighthouse keeper, well...at least I THINK I would make a great lighthouse keeper. There is something quite appealing about living on a small outcrop of rock in the middle of the ocean + I do love spiral staircases. I think it's the isolation that appeals to me the most.

Unfortunately in the modern world lighthouse keepers are no longer necessary. Have you heard of the song with the lyrics "video killed the radio star"? Well technology killed the lighthouse keeper; it was mostly a combination of electricity & automation that did it. And the addition of heliports meant that live in keepers were no longer needed. In Britain all the lighthouses have been automated by Trinity House while in the US the last manned lighthouse was automated in 1998. Jobs as lighthouse keepers are scarce, many are part-time & seasonal.

Here is a brief overview of a position available as a "volunteer" keeper that I found on a lighthouse enthusiast website (oh yes, you can find anything on the internet, it's not all porn):

• Volunteer keeper needed at Forty Mile Point lighthouse, Michigan
• Tasks include greeting visitors, act as tour guide, work in gift shop & ensure cleanliness of premises
• Bring your own RV, no TENTS allowed!!
• Oh BTW, you ain't getting paid

I probably have a romantic/unrealistic view of being a lighthouse keeper. Apparently it wasn't all that great. First of all you had to stay with three other keepers; you'd better be nice to each other because you'll be spending a long time together at close proximity. Other drawbacks included no toilets or running water, at least back in the early days. And of course being away for so long meant that you'd miss out on certain things back home (like your wife having an affair for example).

So if I was to be a lighthouse keeper a few conditions would have to be met. The most important would be that I would be the only keeper at the lighthouse. I don't mind the isolation; if I was to be stuck on a rock with two other people I'd go for a swim & hope a shark was feeling a bit peckish.

The second condition is that I would need a LCD TV with a HD DVD player & some DVD boxsets please (Who needs friends when you can watch "Friends"?). The third condition is that there would need to be decent internet connection at the lighthouse. With Skype, Twitter & Facebook you'll never be alone really. 

After a few days at the lighthouse your tweets might get a little repetitive 'Turned on the light, turned off the light, turned on the light, turned off the light....' & so on. Of course on those cold lonely nights when I am missing a little...erm...female contact the internet would be REALLY important. If you know what I mean. And being alone would mean that there wouldn't be anyone to interrupt you or judge you. Except god....

I highly doubt that any potential lighthouse keeper employer would give me a call so the only other way to be a keeper is to buy my own lighthouse. On the same website I mentioned before I saw a beautiful lighthouse for sale called Pointe d'Aiguillon lighthouse which is in Saint-Marc-Sur Mer, about 8KM South West of Saint-Nazaire, France. It costs only 780,000 Euros and I think that's a bargain. So can anyone spare some change? Maybe look EXTRA hard around the couch?

Links:

My Ramblings Tumblr

Last weeks post on TMI

Bodie Island lighthouse picture

Lighthouse staircase picture

I know too much!

TMI a.k.a Too Much Information - Way more than you need/want to know about someone.

John: I have mad chafing on my balls.
Frank: uh, TMI

-Urban Dictionary

I have a few flaws. I'm the person that:

• reminisces about the past too much
• tries to turn everything into a joke
• is way too sarcastic for his own good
• who gives directions to people who are lost even when he doesn't know the directions himself (hint: if you ask someone for directions and their first word is “erm..” keep driving)
• has awkward conversations involving TMI

And the last point is probably one of the worst things about me. I can't help myself, I don't know my limit. Sometimes, when someone asks me a simple question I just keep going on and on (like right now.)

It's not so bad when it's with my family and close friends, they're used to it by now. Usually after a few minutes of my rambling their eyes glaze over and they stay silent. Eventually I'll become aware of the silence and my voice will trail off. Recently, my mother was surprised that there were camels in Australia.

I then mention to her the fact that Australia has the largest population of camels outside the middle east; that they were brought in to help cross the interior of Australia; their decline and how they're seen as a pest; how they're being culled because of the impact they have on the environment. And for all this information all I got back was an “uhum.”

Sometimes it can be a little bit awkward. A few years ago, I managed to get in touch with a friend from Australia on Facebook. We went to school together and we haven't been in contact for 18 years. He made the mistake of messaging me back to ask how things were. And boy did I let him know. It probably took him 18 years to finish reading that message. I've never heard from him since.

It didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I only regretted what I had written after hitting send. So I try to be a lot careful now with people I don't know and how much I tell them.

Occasionally I'll come across people who tell me a little too much. A few years ago someone sent me an email to ask permission to use a photo I had posted. And he ended his e-mail with this “PS It's been a looong time since I've been in Malaysia. But I bet you guys still drive on the wrong side of the street :)”

I e-mailed him back to let him know that he could use the photo; I also asked him just out of curiosity and because he seemed nice when was the last time he visited Malaysia. And he replied with the following:

Hi Faiz,
Thanks for the use of the photo. I'll let you know when the video is finished.
I think it was about 1970 when I was in Malaysia, specifically Singapore. I was a merchant seaman and we were on our way to Pakistan with a load of 'fertilizer' as foreign aid. (Think Ammonium Nitrate and munitions) We had agreed not to provide weapons to Pakistan or India to assist in their 'dispute'. Anyway...
My three main memories of Singapore, remembering please that I was a young seaman.
1. A really fine little 'bordello' where, just like in the movies, the ladies line up while you pick and choose.
2. A cab driver who totally freaked out when I flipped a cigarette butt out the window. Although he should have warned us about the anti-littering laws when we got into the cab since we were a motley crew of heathen foreigners.
3. Some blond pot, illegal as hell, that was amongst the most potent, and produced the cleanest and happiest high of any that I can remember.
TTFN

I never bothered to get back in touch with him. And I thought I was bad. Assuming he's telling the truth, who is this guy? Jason Bourne? Should he have even been telling me this information?

I can't help the feeling that that I've uncovered some conspiracy that was not supposed to be divulged. Does that mean I'm being watched by the NSA (no worries, the NSA is watching EVERYONE); on a side note I hear a low humming sound above me.

It's kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who suffers from chronic TMI. And of course I'm exaggerating a little. It's not the “worst” part of my character. If I was so concerned about sharing too much with people this blog wouldn't exist; and I wouldn't be entertaining several people a week. There are far worse things about me like the fact that once I had to shoot this.....never mind. See you next week. Maybe.

Here are some links

My Ramblings Tumblr

Don't let the man get you down - My last post

Image Credit: 

Paranoia

Don't Let The Man Get You Down

 

In my opinion one of the greatest things in life is to probably become a parent. Here you are, in charge of another human being and depending on how you raise your child you have a 50/50 chance of raising Rick Grimes or The Governor (Walking Dead reference in case you're wondering.) I exaggerate of course.

While it is a wonderful experience at times it can be stressful and there will be moments where your patience is tested. I get it, parenting is not easy. But here is a PSA for all parents. Dear Parents, please do not use strangers to keep your children in check.

Recently I was at the supermarket and when I was at the cashier there was a little boy who was about 5 years old and he had a Kinder Joy (apparently we don't have Kinder Surprise in Malaysia because they would melt) in his hand. As he was about to hand his chocolate to the cashier his mum stopped him.

His mum whispered to him (though still loud enough for me to hear) that she couldn't buy him the chocolate because “the man behind them wouldn't let her.” I was confused for a few seconds but then the horrible truth dawned upon me...I was THE MAN.

Unbeknownst to me I had been appointed by the World Health Organization as the Commissioner of All Milk Chocolate Based Confectionery. Apparently it was my job to personally deny children the happiness of enjoying their favourite treats.

And it appears that I took my job seriously. Here I was stopping this poor mum from buying her son the Kinder Joy. I'm sure if she had the choice she would've bought her son all the chocolate he wanted; bless her generous heart. But sadly the FUCKING MAN wouldn't let her.

Her son wasn't ready to give up the chocolate so she repeated that THE MAN wouldn't let her buy the chocolate. He turned to look at me and we both stared blankly at each other. I didn't know how to react. Surely it would have been cruel to smile after denying him his chocolate. I can't help the feeling that as he was looking at me he was thinking “WTF Bro? What 's your problem?”

Reluctantly he gave up the Kinder Joy; after all he loved his mum. And he didn't want her to get in trouble with THE MAN. As his mum carried him out of the store he just kept staring at me. I knew there and then that I had just made an enemy for life. When he grew up he would track me down and kill me. And end the tyranny of THE MAN once and for all.

I wished I had thought of it at the moment but I should have just bought the Kinder Joy for the kid. Then the mum could have the pleasure of explaining why he still couldn't have his chocolate. Maybe next time...

Sigh...the lies parents tell their children. When I was younger we sort of adopted a stray cat and a few months later she had a litter of kittens. After coming home from school I went to look for them. But they weren't there and I started to get worried.

Thankfully my mum had sent them to a friend's farm where they lived happily ever after. I learned later as many children do that this farm where all the animals in the world live in harmony sadly doesn't exist.

I just remembered that when we lived in Adelaide (Go Magpies!) for a few years back when I was a child my mum tried to teach me about calling the ambulance by pretending to be unconscious. From what I remember when I saw her prone and unresponsive all I did was go downstairs and turn on the TV.

In my defence I was 7; it was a Saturday morning and Blinky Bill was on. And since she was already “dead” what was another 30 minutes? Maybe she should have taught me CPR first. Technically I did the right thing. If I had made a false emergency call I would have been breaking the law. Sooo...I guess that makes it better?

I don't want to leave you with a bad impression of my mum. It was back in Adelaide that we had a weekly ritual. Once a week I would be allowed to have a Kinder Surprise Egg. Maybe two if I was really lucky. #bestmumever #loveyou

Hopefully, I'll have kids of my own one day and I can take this private ritual of ours and make it into a tradition that will be passed down to future generations. #bestfuturedad

In case you were wondering this is a Kinder Surprise

And in certain countries where it gets too hot we have the Kinder Joy instead

Have a great week folks. Check out the links below:

My Ramblings Tumblr

Last Weeks Post – On Tumblr and Finding Love

Image Credit:

Kid In A Candy Story

Kinder Surprise

Kinder Joy