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In
my opinion one of the greatest things in life is to probably become a
parent. Here you are, in charge of another human being and depending
on how you raise your child you have a 50/50 chance of raising Rick
Grimes or The Governor (Walking Dead reference in case you're
wondering.) I exaggerate of course.
While
it is a wonderful experience at times it can be stressful and there
will be moments where your patience is tested. I get it, parenting is
not easy. But here is a PSA for all parents. Dear Parents, please
do not use strangers to keep your children in check.
Recently
I was at the supermarket and when I was at the cashier there was a
little boy who was about 5 years old and he had a Kinder Joy
(apparently we don't have Kinder Surprise in Malaysia because they
would melt) in his hand. As he was about to hand his chocolate to the
cashier his mum stopped him.
His
mum whispered to him (though still loud enough for me to hear) that
she couldn't buy him the chocolate because “the
man behind them wouldn't
let her.” I was confused for a few seconds but then the horrible
truth dawned upon me...I was THE MAN.
Unbeknownst
to me I had been appointed by the World
Health
Organization
as the Commissioner of All
Milk Chocolate Based Confectionery.
Apparently it was my job to personally deny children the happiness
of enjoying their favourite treats.
And
it appears that I took my job seriously. Here I was stopping this
poor mum from buying her son the Kinder Joy. I'm sure if she had the
choice she would've bought her son all the chocolate he wanted; bless
her generous heart. But sadly the FUCKING MAN wouldn't
let her.
Her
son wasn't ready to give up the chocolate so she repeated that THE
MAN wouldn't let her buy
the chocolate. He turned to look at me and we both stared blankly at
each other. I didn't know how to react. Surely it would have been
cruel to smile after denying him his chocolate. I can't help the
feeling that as he was looking at me he was thinking “WTF
Bro? What 's your
problem?”
Reluctantly
he gave up the Kinder Joy; after all he loved his mum. And he didn't
want her to get in trouble with
THE MAN. As his mum
carried him out of the store he just kept staring at me. I knew there
and then that I had just made an enemy for life. When he grew up he
would track me down and kill me. And end the tyranny of THE
MAN once and for all.
I wished I had thought of it at the
moment but I should have just bought the Kinder Joy for the kid. Then
the mum could have the pleasure of explaining why he still couldn't
have his chocolate. Maybe next time...
Sigh...the lies parents tell their
children. When I was younger we sort of adopted a stray cat and a few
months later she had a litter of kittens. After coming home from
school I went to look for them. But they weren't there and I started
to get worried.
Thankfully my mum had sent them to a
friend's farm where they lived happily ever after. I learned later as
many children do that this farm where all the animals in the world
live in harmony sadly doesn't exist.
I just remembered that when we lived
in Adelaide (Go Magpies!) for a few years back when I was a child my
mum tried to teach me about calling the ambulance by pretending to be
unconscious. From what I remember when I saw her prone and
unresponsive all I did was go downstairs and turn on the TV.
In my defence I was 7; it was a
Saturday morning and Blinky Bill was on. And since she was already
“dead” what was another 30 minutes? Maybe she should have taught
me CPR first. Technically I did the right thing. If I had made a
false emergency call I would have been breaking the law. Sooo...I
guess that makes it better?
I don't want to leave you with a bad
impression of my mum. It was back in Adelaide that we had a weekly
ritual. Once a week I would be allowed to have a Kinder Surprise Egg.
Maybe two if I was really lucky. #bestmumever #loveyou
Hopefully, I'll have kids of my own
one day and I can take this private ritual of ours and make it into a
tradition that will be passed down to future generations.
#bestfuturedad
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| In case you were wondering this is a Kinder Surprise |
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| And in certain countries where it gets too hot we have the Kinder Joy instead |
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