I (don't) Gotta Feeling..

The internet is an amazing place, you never know what you might accidentally come across. It's not all cat porn..I mean..it's not all cat's and porn (I don't even want to know what happens if you do happen to Google “cat porn”; probably the NSA will call the SPCA to drone your house.)

Anyway, what I had come across by accident on Youtube is Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) and according to the Wikipedia ASMR is “ a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, olfactory, and/or cognitive stimuli.” Or as I would put it simply certain things make you “feel stuff” or to put it even more simply you could call it “sound porn”; I just Googled “sound porn” and the results are quite interesting.

And apparently it feels really nice. For some people it helps them relax. Since I'm curious and sceptical by nature (and had nothing better to do), I decided to watch a few of these ASMR videos just to see what this “pleasurable tingling sensation” feels like. And for science of course; plus I thought that my scalp could use a little stimulation.

I found out there are many channels dedicated to ASMR. Most of these videos require you to wear headphones to get the most out of the experience. What are ASMR videos like to watch? Well..somewhat strange would be the best way to put it. There tends to be a lot of whispering and brushing; one of the first videos I watched had a woman touching a microphone (that's not a euphemism.)

I watched the WHOLE 21 minute video and she basically scratched and later brushed the microphone. I didn't get much of a tingling sensation but it did make think “WTF am I watching?” and make me wonder what I was doing with my life. She did have nice fingernails though..

The next video I watched was of a woman whispering into a mic in Italian; I have no idea what she said (she could have been quoting Hannibal Lecter for all I know) but I now realize that the Italian language is really beautiful and I'm going to learn Italian on my Duolingo app as soon as I'm done with my Spanish.

There are many types of ASMR videos; besides trying to induce ASMR by making sounds with various objects, there are also a lot of role-playing videos. For example the person making the video will try to simulate a doctor's appointment; getting a head massage (seriously) or getting a haircut. The strangest one I saw was a “girlfriend role-play”; I think having a girlfriend IRL is a lot more appealing.

I admit that these videos made me a little bit sleepy; not because they were making me relaxed. But only out of boredom since nothing was happening. Maybe if I had experienced these mind blowing tingling sensations that some people claim to feel I would feel differently about ASMR.

I conducted a somewhat less-than-scientific study by asking a couple of people to watch ASMR videos and based or preliminary results I can say that ASMR doesn't seem to affect Malaysian or Canadians. Further observation is required..

Before I get hate mail from ASMR enthusiasts let me say that I'm not saying it doesn't work, I'm saying it doesn't work for me. And when I say “strange” I don't mean bad; it's just different. It's more of a personal thing; when I need to feel concentrate on writing or relax I just listen to a website dedicated to the sound of pouring rain. It's “strange” to some people but it's not a bad thing; not like cat porn. I also like to play Planetside 2 and kill for the Terran Republic (Go TR!)

But check out the ASMR links and go see for yourself, don't just take my word for it. So ASMR didn't work for me and I didn't enjoy it but like Pope Frank who am I to judge? Plus my scalp might not be as virile as it used to be..

Some links to check out:

What is ASMR? by Rhett and Link

ASMR touching and brushing the microphone

ASMR whispering in Italian

ASMR role-play haircut

ASMR role-play girlfriend

ASMR 3-D sound (just watch it)

Image Credit of puppet with headphones

RainyMood

Andjust for no particular reason a link to “sex sounds”

Cheese anyone?

You never know who's watching

Recently the Harian Metro, one of Malaysia's leading tabloid newspapers published a story about a new trend that is becoming popular amongst the patrons of massage parlours. Apparently the men (no surprise there) were being given the option of having their body smeared with cream cheese; the “masseuse” would then lick the cheese of the client's body. Don't expect this special service from every spa; it's a brothel masquerading as a massage parlour.

Call me old-fashioned but I've always had the belief that food should be served on a plate. The only time this rule doesn't apply is when you're ordering from a drive-thru or if you happen to drop some food on the floor; if that happens then the 3-second rule is in effect. Plus it's a waste of good food. Then again I'm an old-fogey, so my opinion on such matters don't really apply.

I like how the country has been described as a “predominantly Muslim Malaysia, where conservative attitudes toward sex prevail.” This is only half-true, while Muslims are a majority (I'm one myself) we definitely do not have a “conservative” attitude to sex; after all, how conservative can we be as a country if there exists places where you can pay to have a “masseuse” lick cream cheese off your body?

And Malaysians have access to the internet. I'm pretty sure if you were to look through people's browsing history you'd find some pretty disturbing material. For the record, if you look through mine you'll see searches for “animals wearing clothes” and “cats that look like Hitler” as well as “How can I be a less perfect human being because I'm so awesome and my friends are all jealous of me.” Don't judge me! At least I'm not having someone use me as a savoury snack.

It's amazing what you can find on the internet. I just browsed Craigslist Malaysia and under the “services offered” section there are plenty of ads listing massages and escort services for gentlemen who just want a night of quiet conversation and the company of a beautiful young woman. And nothing else *wink wink*.'

I even found one ad asking for a female house cleaner. Which is not really strange; after all, cleanliness is next to godliness. But he (and I assume it's a man) did have one teeny tiny request. That she did it whilst in a state of undress (not creepy at all.)

Imagine if he had been given a Roomba this Christmas? The look of disappointment on his face would have been priceless. And the “men seeking women” section is a lot more creepier. Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to take a shower; for some reason I feel dirty (oh crap, maybe I'm a Muslim with a predominantly conservative attitude to sex.)

A town council official told the Harian Metro that “massage parlours would face stern action if found to be offering irresponsible activities.” Oooh...I bet the operators of such institutions are quaking in their boots. Hold on..I have just received this news flash:

BREAKING NEWS – massage parlours all over Malaysia have closed shop and moved to Singapore and Thailand , where the population is less predominantly Muslim and the prevailing attitudes towards sex are not as conservative. And of course they were afraid of the “stern actions” threatened by local council officials. Mission accomplished.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your viewpoint), like most countries the authorities in Malaysia tend to look the other way when it comes to prostitution. And I've seen it first hand. A few weeks ago I had to drive in the city to take my Dad to the bank. This particular bank is located adjacent to a hotel frequented by tourists. Since there was no parking available I ended up parked on a double yellow line (which is technically illegal.) But in my defence I wasn't alone, there were plenty of cars doing the same thing.

It was while waiting for my Dad that I noticed something strange about the driver of the car right in front of me. He was standing next to his car and he had a walkie-talkie attached to his belt. A few moments later I noticed a man (presumably a tourist) coming from the hotel and having a brief conversation with the driver of the car.

The tourist then opened the passenger door peered inside the car; then gestured towards someone inside the car and a young woman stepped out and they both went back towards the hotel. Turns out there were two women in the car; I think what was happening in front of me is pretty self-explanatory to everyone.

For some reason I started getting angry. I still don't know why. Maybe that night I was in a particularly bad mood. Maybe it was fact that these men were treating these women like commodities and were going to benefit from this transaction; one financially and one sexually.

Or maybe the real reason I got upset was that this man openly participating in the prostitution of women without any fear of being caught by the police. Meanwhile, the authorities are busy arresting a woman for uploading a video on Youtube; arresting a young couple for being politically incorrect (at least by Malaysian standards); or in a recent case allegedly (according to some critics) suspending a newspaper for publishing an article on the spending habits of the Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak and his wife Rosmah Mansor.

The weekly newspaper “The Heat” had recently published an article titled “All eyes on big-spending PM Najib”; the report then listed expenditures incurred on overseas trips and consultancy fees as well as Rosmah's use of a government jet to attend a conference in Doha, Qatar.

Shortly after this The Heat received a suspension order from the Home Ministry.

I also have to emphasise the word “allegedly”; according to some opposition politician's The Heat was suspended because the article had portrayed the Prime Minister in a negative way.

According to the Home Ministry the suspension had nothing to do with the article; the publishing company had violated provisions mandated under its printing permit as well as failed to inform the Home Ministry about a change in ownership. The timing is just an unfortunate coincidence.

This is starting to get a bit long. I'm sorry for the diversion; in the beginning you were reading about cheese and sex and I managed to turn it into a piece about the Malaysian Government.

I guess in the end I'm just naïve. When you spend your time in front of a computer or reading a book you have a tendency to forget about how the real world works. And it can be depressing sometimes. Why can't the world just be sugar, spice and everything nice?

Of course, the big irony was that just as my dad was getting back in the car a security guard approached us as we were parked on a double yellow line. And that was illegal. Sigh..c'est la vie.

P.S. Last week I wrote an article about lighthouses and I have to admit that it's not my best writing. But of course, that's the one people read and commented on the most to me. In my defence, there are some weeks where I have nothing to write and last week's post is evident of that. I guess all I can say is I do what I can and please bear with me. Anyways, have a great week and be awesome every day or at least try to.

Some links to check out:

Last weeks post on lighthouses (eugh)

Bonus Post – Man of Steel Rant

My Ramblings Tumblr

Alvin Tan/Vivian Lee + Maznah Mohd Yusof arrested for “breaking the law”

Malaysian Spa's and cheese

The Heat suspended

FMT article about The Heats suspension

Image credit – Neighbourhood Watch sign

I know too much!

TMI a.k.a Too Much Information - Way more than you need/want to know about someone.

John: I have mad chafing on my balls.
Frank: uh, TMI

-Urban Dictionary

I have a few flaws. I'm the person that:

• reminisces about the past too much
• tries to turn everything into a joke
• is way too sarcastic for his own good
• who gives directions to people who are lost even when he doesn't know the directions himself (hint: if you ask someone for directions and their first word is “erm..” keep driving)
• has awkward conversations involving TMI

And the last point is probably one of the worst things about me. I can't help myself, I don't know my limit. Sometimes, when someone asks me a simple question I just keep going on and on (like right now.)

It's not so bad when it's with my family and close friends, they're used to it by now. Usually after a few minutes of my rambling their eyes glaze over and they stay silent. Eventually I'll become aware of the silence and my voice will trail off. Recently, my mother was surprised that there were camels in Australia.

I then mention to her the fact that Australia has the largest population of camels outside the middle east; that they were brought in to help cross the interior of Australia; their decline and how they're seen as a pest; how they're being culled because of the impact they have on the environment. And for all this information all I got back was an “uhum.”

Sometimes it can be a little bit awkward. A few years ago, I managed to get in touch with a friend from Australia on Facebook. We went to school together and we haven't been in contact for 18 years. He made the mistake of messaging me back to ask how things were. And boy did I let him know. It probably took him 18 years to finish reading that message. I've never heard from him since.

It didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I only regretted what I had written after hitting send. So I try to be a lot careful now with people I don't know and how much I tell them.

Occasionally I'll come across people who tell me a little too much. A few years ago someone sent me an email to ask permission to use a photo I had posted. And he ended his e-mail with this “PS It's been a looong time since I've been in Malaysia. But I bet you guys still drive on the wrong side of the street :)”

I e-mailed him back to let him know that he could use the photo; I also asked him just out of curiosity and because he seemed nice when was the last time he visited Malaysia. And he replied with the following:

Hi Faiz,
Thanks for the use of the photo. I'll let you know when the video is finished.
I think it was about 1970 when I was in Malaysia, specifically Singapore. I was a merchant seaman and we were on our way to Pakistan with a load of 'fertilizer' as foreign aid. (Think Ammonium Nitrate and munitions) We had agreed not to provide weapons to Pakistan or India to assist in their 'dispute'. Anyway...
My three main memories of Singapore, remembering please that I was a young seaman.
1. A really fine little 'bordello' where, just like in the movies, the ladies line up while you pick and choose.
2. A cab driver who totally freaked out when I flipped a cigarette butt out the window. Although he should have warned us about the anti-littering laws when we got into the cab since we were a motley crew of heathen foreigners.
3. Some blond pot, illegal as hell, that was amongst the most potent, and produced the cleanest and happiest high of any that I can remember.
TTFN

I never bothered to get back in touch with him. And I thought I was bad. Assuming he's telling the truth, who is this guy? Jason Bourne? Should he have even been telling me this information?

I can't help the feeling that that I've uncovered some conspiracy that was not supposed to be divulged. Does that mean I'm being watched by the NSA (no worries, the NSA is watching EVERYONE); on a side note I hear a low humming sound above me.

It's kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who suffers from chronic TMI. And of course I'm exaggerating a little. It's not the “worst” part of my character. If I was so concerned about sharing too much with people this blog wouldn't exist; and I wouldn't be entertaining several people a week. There are far worse things about me like the fact that once I had to shoot this.....never mind. See you next week. Maybe.

Here are some links

My Ramblings Tumblr

Don't let the man get you down - My last post

Image Credit: 

Paranoia

Don't Let The Man Get You Down

 

In my opinion one of the greatest things in life is to probably become a parent. Here you are, in charge of another human being and depending on how you raise your child you have a 50/50 chance of raising Rick Grimes or The Governor (Walking Dead reference in case you're wondering.) I exaggerate of course.

While it is a wonderful experience at times it can be stressful and there will be moments where your patience is tested. I get it, parenting is not easy. But here is a PSA for all parents. Dear Parents, please do not use strangers to keep your children in check.

Recently I was at the supermarket and when I was at the cashier there was a little boy who was about 5 years old and he had a Kinder Joy (apparently we don't have Kinder Surprise in Malaysia because they would melt) in his hand. As he was about to hand his chocolate to the cashier his mum stopped him.

His mum whispered to him (though still loud enough for me to hear) that she couldn't buy him the chocolate because “the man behind them wouldn't let her.” I was confused for a few seconds but then the horrible truth dawned upon me...I was THE MAN.

Unbeknownst to me I had been appointed by the World Health Organization as the Commissioner of All Milk Chocolate Based Confectionery. Apparently it was my job to personally deny children the happiness of enjoying their favourite treats.

And it appears that I took my job seriously. Here I was stopping this poor mum from buying her son the Kinder Joy. I'm sure if she had the choice she would've bought her son all the chocolate he wanted; bless her generous heart. But sadly the FUCKING MAN wouldn't let her.

Her son wasn't ready to give up the chocolate so she repeated that THE MAN wouldn't let her buy the chocolate. He turned to look at me and we both stared blankly at each other. I didn't know how to react. Surely it would have been cruel to smile after denying him his chocolate. I can't help the feeling that as he was looking at me he was thinking “WTF Bro? What 's your problem?”

Reluctantly he gave up the Kinder Joy; after all he loved his mum. And he didn't want her to get in trouble with THE MAN. As his mum carried him out of the store he just kept staring at me. I knew there and then that I had just made an enemy for life. When he grew up he would track me down and kill me. And end the tyranny of THE MAN once and for all.

I wished I had thought of it at the moment but I should have just bought the Kinder Joy for the kid. Then the mum could have the pleasure of explaining why he still couldn't have his chocolate. Maybe next time...

Sigh...the lies parents tell their children. When I was younger we sort of adopted a stray cat and a few months later she had a litter of kittens. After coming home from school I went to look for them. But they weren't there and I started to get worried.

Thankfully my mum had sent them to a friend's farm where they lived happily ever after. I learned later as many children do that this farm where all the animals in the world live in harmony sadly doesn't exist.

I just remembered that when we lived in Adelaide (Go Magpies!) for a few years back when I was a child my mum tried to teach me about calling the ambulance by pretending to be unconscious. From what I remember when I saw her prone and unresponsive all I did was go downstairs and turn on the TV.

In my defence I was 7; it was a Saturday morning and Blinky Bill was on. And since she was already “dead” what was another 30 minutes? Maybe she should have taught me CPR first. Technically I did the right thing. If I had made a false emergency call I would have been breaking the law. Sooo...I guess that makes it better?

I don't want to leave you with a bad impression of my mum. It was back in Adelaide that we had a weekly ritual. Once a week I would be allowed to have a Kinder Surprise Egg. Maybe two if I was really lucky. #bestmumever #loveyou

Hopefully, I'll have kids of my own one day and I can take this private ritual of ours and make it into a tradition that will be passed down to future generations. #bestfuturedad

In case you were wondering this is a Kinder Surprise

And in certain countries where it gets too hot we have the Kinder Joy instead

Have a great week folks. Check out the links below:

My Ramblings Tumblr

Last Weeks Post – On Tumblr and Finding Love

Image Credit:

Kid In A Candy Story

Kinder Surprise

Kinder Joy

You Probably Didn't Know This About Any Of This..

I can understand why people hate watching and/or reading the news. I mean have you seen the news lately? It's HORRIBLE! The World can be such a depressing place sometimes.

No wonder people like to spend their time distracting themselves with their phones; watching Youtube videos; maybe reading this blog (hmm?); while ignoring what's going on around them. And I can't blame them. It's easier to concentrate on the trivial things in life.

You're probably not going to turn on CNN any time soon and the Breaking News is that “Today was a good day.” Nope..the good news is few and far between I'm afraid, it's usually filled with stories about conflict in various parts of the world; occasionally we're treated to the spectacle of a Royal Baby being born. And as nice as that is, sometimes I can't help get the impression that there's a lot of injustice in the World.

I'm not naïve; I've watched “The Wire.” I know that things don't always work out according to plan. Sometimes the good guys are the bad guys and vice versa. Sometimes they get away with crimes they committed. Of course when justice does prevail it doesn't seem enough somehow. But that doesn't mean we just sit quietly and let the injustice continue. My small contribution is to offer you my snarky opinion on certain topics. Let's begin.

Halliburton recently pleaded guilty to destroying evidence relating to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. And for lying the company will have to pay the government the grand sum of $200,000. That's not a typo, that was the actual amount they were fined; of course, Halliburton will also be donating $55 Million to the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation.

While I commend the executives for donating out of their good “conscience” the “punishment” feels like a slap on the wrist; especially when you find out that Halliburton made $7.3 Billion in total revenue in the second quarter of 2013. That'll teach em' a lesson.

Meanwhile, the U.S. government was more than happy to make an example out of Chelsea Manning; the soldier was recently sentenced to 35 years in prison. If you're slightly confused and wondering why I didn't mention Bradley Manning, then you definitely haven't been paying attention to the news (check the links below).

In a statement read by Chelsea Manning's lawyer she said that "When I chose to disclose classified information... I did so out of love for our country and a sense of duty for others. If you deny my request for a pardon I will serve my time knowing that sometimes you have to pay a heavy price to live in a free society."

While I'm aware that she broke the law and is therefore considered a criminal I can't help feel sorry for her; when a government or a soldier does something that is morally wrong and if you ignore what's happening then you are part of that moral wrongdoing. It must have been difficult to have that burden on your shoulders. I don't know what I would've done if I had been in that same position. I will say that I admire Chelsea Manning for having the courage for doing what she did. Btw, good luck trying to get Edward Snowden now.

I wonder what ever happened to those Apache pilots in the “Collateral Murder” video. I get it, war is Hell; and in war mistakes happen. But I'm pretty sure that those men are spending time with their families and getting to sleep in their own beds at night. Chelsea Manning on the other hand will be spending her time in a cell for at least the next 7 years, which is when she will be eligible for parole.

Chelsea Manning's supporters have called on President Obama to give her a pardon. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen. Especially now that the President is busy with the issue of Syria and the governments alleged use of chemical weapon on it's own people.

In a recent interview with CNN, President Obama said that what has happened in Syria is “very troublesome”; in a separate interview the Secretary-General of the UN Ban Ki-Moon said that “Clearly this was a major and terrible incident. We owe it to the families of the victims to act.” The UN estimates that there have been over 100,000 deaths in Syria as well as over 2 Million Syrians made refugees from the fighting.

You won't catch me disagreeing with either of those two opinions, but why all of the sudden is there a rush to act now? Wasn't it “very troublesome” when there were 10,000 deaths? How about at 50,000 deaths? Why are governments so focused on the “red line” when it comes to chemical weapons? So basically you can kill 100,000 of your own citizens but make sure to keep using bullets and bombs? “We” owed the families of victims to act a really long time ago. But hey, international politics is complicated.

And in Japan the news isn't great as well. The Japanese government has criticized Tokyo Electric Power Co (Tepco) ; the Japanese electric utility company which is operating the Fukushima power plant over it's handling of highly radioactive water which is leaking at the site from a storage tank.

“We’ve allowed Tokyo Electric to deal with the contaminated water situation on its own and they’ve essentially turned it into a game of ‘Whack-a-Mole,’” Trade Minister Toshimitsu Motegi told reporters. “From now on, the government will move to the forefront.”

Tepco still has to deal with over 330,000 metric tons of water (enough to fill 132 Olympic-size swimming pools) with varying levels of toxicity that is stored in pits, basements and hundreds of tanks at the wrecked Fukushima nuclear plant.

On top of the leaking tank, Tepco admitted that irradiated water is flowing into the Pacific Ocean (from underground tunnels); which the government estimates at 300 tons a day. I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure that can't be good for you. But what do I know? It seemed to work fine for Spiderman. But maybe as a precaution stay away from Japanese Sushi for now. At least until Tepco gets its shit together.

Of course what everyone seems to care about this week is what Taylor Swift whispered at the VMAs; or how much the new Nintendo 2DS sucks; and that Ben Affleck would not make a great Batman. There's even a petition on change.org to “Remove Ben Affleck as Batman.” As of writing this post it has over 80,000 signatures.

Meanwhile, the online petition sent to the White House to free Chelsea Manning has about 6,619 signatures. I saw another petition on change.org asking to have all charges dropped against Chelsea Manning that has 102 signatures. And no, that's not a typo. Like I said earlier, it's a lot easier to focus on all the trivial stuff. Ignorance is bliss..

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Don't take my word for it; here are some links for you:

A long list of what we know thanks to Pvt Manning

I am Chelsea Manning

Fukushima Leak

 Image Credit

No Justice No Peace

Mission Accomplished

R.I.P Giggles

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.

A few weeks ago the brave men and women of the Department of Natural Resources (DNR) with the help of local law enforcement foiled an Al-Qaeda linked plot to spread Sharia law in Wisconsin by raiding a terror cell and terminating with extreme prejudice the terrorist agent identified only as “Giggles.”

Thankfully, none of the DNR agents or deputy sheriffs were injured in the highly dangerous and risky operation. Americans all over these United States can rest easy knowing that the men and women of law enforcement remain ever vigilant in protecting the homeland. Mission Accomplished.

I'm guessing a part of you might be a little confused about the last two paragraphs. Maybe I need to clarify a few details for you. The DNR did indeed conduct a raid on a location with the help of the Sheriffs Department. Of course when I said “terror cell” I actually meant a no-kill animal shelter, the Society of St. Francis. And when I say “terrorist agent” I actually mean a baby deer. Sounds crazy doesn't it. If Guantanamo hasn't made you angry yet this might just do it.

I had been listening to the Joe Rogan Experience podcast and on this particular episode they were discussing a recent incident involving a raid on an animal shelter to hunt down a baby deer. Now a small part of you might be shocked at the story and you may be wondering “Surely this can't be true.”

So I AskJeevesd it..who am I kidding. Google owns everything. And yes it turned out to be a true story. Here's what happened, a family found a baby deer on it's own and it seemed to have been abandoned by it's mother so they did what most decent people would do. They took the fawn to a animal shelter.

The employees at the shelter had named the little fawn Giggles because she made noised like laughter. Giggles had been taken care of by the shelter for two weeks and she was about to be transferred to a different shelter in neighbouring Illinois that specialized in the rehabilitation of deer.

Unfortunately for Giggles she never made it. Just a day before she was due to be moved to the new shelter a team made up of nine DNR agents and four sheriff deputies raided the Society of St. Francis. "It was like a SWAT team" shelter employee Ray Schulze told reporters. The agents and deputies arrived in multiple cars and were heavily armed.

According to the DNR, the agency had received two anonymous calls telling them about the deer being kept at the shelter. In Wisconsin it is illegal to posses a wild animal without the proper permits. The DNR even had aerial reconnaissance photographs confirming the presence of Giggles at the shelter and with this evidence they managed to obtain a search warrant for the shelter.

The employees at the shelter were then corralled near a picnic area and then the agents searched the shelter for Giggles. Ray Schulze said that he saw them later carrying Giggles in a body bag over their shoulder. A DNR spokeswoman later denied that Giggles had been killed at the shelter and said that the fawn had been taken to a separate site and euthanized.

What THE..wait for it..FUCK! That was my first response to the story, which is quite understandable. I thought watching Bambi was a traumatic experience. Clearly Disney needs to remake the film and update it with storm troopers instead of hunters. Why does every department and agency require a small army?

The part that gets to me the most was the lack of common sense displayed by the authorities. I understand that a permit was required but surely they could have sent someone to check things out first instead of choosing to raid the animal shelter. Heck they could have sent a letter, e-card, e-mail or even have made a simple phone call. Then they would have easily found out that Giggles was due to be moved to a different shelter.

But nope..that would have been too easy. The DNR even took the trouble to obtain aerial photographs; it was unclear how they did it. Since they have their own army then maybe they have their own air force equipped with drones as well.

When asked why the DNR didn't make a call to the shelter the spokeswoman responded “If a sheriff’s department is going in to do a search warrant on a drug bust, they don’t call them and ask them to voluntarily surrender their marijuana or whatever drug that they have before they show up.” Which makes sense in that scenario but in this case we aren't talking about drug dealers; what were they so afraid of? That the employees at the shelter would try and flush Giggles down a toilet in an attempt to destroy the evidence? Sigh..

Talk about overkill; thirteen heavily armed people to find a baby deer. Who did they think they were going after? Scarface?! It was a baby deer named GIGGLES! And what was with the body bag? Surely an orange jumpsuit with a black bag over the head would have been sufficed. I thought the police were tough in Malaysia. I take it back..the Royal Malaysian Police doesn't have anything on the Department of Natural Resources.

Sigh..I don't understand my own self-righteous indignation. How can I feel morally superior when I eat fast food. Alls I know is that I loved Bambi and a few weeks ago the DNR killed Giggles when it didn't have to. The DNR should have just taken a page out of the Bourne Legacy and launched a Hellfire missile from a circling drone at the shelter. Maybe next time. 

Links:

Armed agents raid shelter

Can't we all just get along?

It's strange isn't it how your day could be ruined in an instant. What caused the sudden disruption in my euphoria? I had come across a news article about Caroline Criado-Perez who had received rape and death threats on Twitter.

And what on earth could possibly warrant such a reaction? Not that anything could justify such actions; she had campaigned the Bank of England to put Jane Austen on a new bank note.

Sigh..you'd think that in 2013 we'd have progressed as a society but all you have to do is check Youtube comments and you quickly realize we still have a long way to go. People seem to not have any respect or consideration of how remarks can be so destructive. So far the police have arrested a 21 year old man in connection with the Tweets.

Meanwhile, the news in Malaysia hasn't exactly been uneventful these past few weeks. Guns and sedition have gotten most of the papers attention. Several shootings have taken place. One involving a banker who was killed in a parking lot in KL; the other involving Malaysian Crime Watch Task Force chairman R. Sri Sanjeevan whose condition still has not stabilised. Apparently he had a list containing the names of police officers under investigation which would have exposed corrupt cops involved with drug trafficking. Coincidence?

I'm a big fan of Real Time with Bill Maher; he usually has interesting guests and he covers a wide range of subjects. I don't necessarily agree with all of his views but I enjoy watching his show nonetheless. Maybe it's because he's able to speak his mind without fear of arrest. I only mention this because what is considered freedom of speech in one country might be labelled sedition in Malaysia.

Recently a couple, Alvin Tan and Vivian Lee were arrested and they both have been charged with sedition among other things. Before this they both had gained notoriety for blogging about their sex lives and they weren't too shy about it either. Apparently the internet is not just made up of sugar, spice and everything nice. There's also an extra ingredient. Chemical XXX (If you don't get the reference then you unfortunately did not have much of a childhood. Powepuffs 4Eva).

Earlier this month they had uploaded a “seditious” photograph of themselves posing with a pork dish on the eve of the holy fasting month Ramadan and wishing festive greetings. The photograph had the caption “happy breaking fast with Bak Kut Teh, aromatic, tasty and appetizing”.

When he was asked by the Star Online on why he had uploaded the photo Alvin said "No reason. Just a joke, I guess." He also added "I was just curious to see how people will perceive it. It seems not everybody is on the same page as us. It is dark humour. It is just our attempt to see how it will be perceived. It is just trying to be humorous on the matter."

So I guess the joke is on them. When they received a lot of negative comments from the public they did upload an apology onto their Youtube channel. If you do check the video out don't read the comments. It just devolves into hate. Of course posting violent and racist comments is not considered seditious.

Where do I stand on this issue? Did I like his picture? Of course not; it was stupid insensitive and tasteless. But was it seditious? I think they were both just testing the boundaries of our society. And clearly there are people who aren't ready for insensitive jokes.

I recommend a dose of Bill Maher, Ricky Gervais, Joe Rogan and Frankie Boyle to help build up their tolerance. Of course, there are actually some people who would then report them to the police. But the law is the law and in Malaysia “to promote feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races or classes of the population of Malaysia” is sedition. Among other things. Maybe the law is flawed? (Hopefully that's not seditious). 

 

I just checked the “sedition act” on Wikipedia and apparently “to bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the administration of justice in Malaysia or in any State” is sedition. So I take it back. The law is just fine as it is. And I would also like to add that the Royal Malaysia Police are doing a fine job. And God Bless Malaysia and it's patriotic people.

You might ask me “Faiz, you clearly approve the arrest of the man who posted the death threats on Twitter, what's the difference here?” The difference is that the man threatened Caroline Criado-Perez. Alvin Tan was telling a joke (admittedly a bad one).

People have the right to behave like assholes but of course just because they have that right doesn't mean they should use it all the time. If being an asshole was a crime then yes he would be guilty of that. And so would a lot of other people. I would be guilty of that too. Especially when I'm driving or when I'm stressed or maybe right now when I'm blogging.

The couple are currently facing three different charges:

a) Section 5 of the Film Censorship Act 2002 for publishing indecent photographs online between July 6 and 7. If found guilty they can be fined not less than RM10,000 or not more than RM50,000 and or imprisoned for not exceeding five years;

b) 298A Penal Code for promoting enmity between different groups of religion or race and doing acts prejudicial to maintaining harmony by publishing an offensive Ramadan greeting which carries a minimum jail term of two years or a maximum of five years; and

c) Section 4(1) (c) of the 1948 Sedition Act for posting seditious material through the offensive greeting which carries fine maximum fine of RM5,000.

After being remanded for eight days in jail the couple have both been released on bail. They both pleaded not guilty to all three charges and their trial is on the 24^th of August.

Of course it doesn't end there. This week Maznah Mohd Yusof a dog trainer was arrested and remanded for two days by the police on the charge of sedition. Did she make a ill advised joke? Nope. THREE years ago she had uploaded a video of her bathing her dogs on Hari Raya (which is the celebration when Ramadan is over) and wishing viewers “Selamat Hari Raya”.

It only became viral this week and as usual some people got offended and went straight to the police and filed a report because the video was considered to be “insulting” to Muslims. The Director General of the Islamic Development Department said the video is unforgivable. He said that it is a deliberate attempt to provoke Muslims by equating dogs with Muslims. It's amazing how people can interpret things. Someone might look at his comments and decided he was an idiot. Just saying..

Maznah has had to defend her actions saying that she never meant to insult Muslims or Islam. She wanted to remind people to celebrate Hari Raya with animals as well as humans. In her message posted on Facebook she asked: “Is this Islamic? To those who called me a dog, I am very happy to be equated with an amazing creature of God. If you don’t know the nature of true dogs, and don’t bother about it, why do you accuse? It is because of Malay Muslims like these that Islam’s good name is tarnished,” she said.

Several Muslim NGO's lodged a police report against Maznah after being “shocked and insulted” to discover the video on their Facebook timeline. “I, who champion for Islam in this Muslim group, feel the individual has committed a grievous insult towards all Muslims in Malaysia” read one police report.

These NGOs claimed to represent the majority of the Malays in the country. That's news to me; for the record they don't represent myself or anyone I know. And to all the people and NGOs who filed a report against Maznah I'd just like to say that “you guys seriously need a better hobby instead of bullying people.”

Nurul Izzah Anwar a opposition lawmaker also voiced her opinion that the arrest was completely unnecessary. She said “I believe it’s high time that we addressed real crime and actual threats — and stop allowing bigots to dictate national agenda.” Now she is someone who represents me and hopefully most Malaysians. Thank You.

Last week I wrote about a Principal of a school who got in trouble over a makeshift canteen. Well, this week he went to the police to lodge a complaint because he had received the death threats. And a politician has called for the mother who went to the press to complain to be charged with sedition. Oy Vey..this is why we can't have nice things. We just end up ruining everything.

This is a pretty long post so I'm going to end with one final piece from the news. So now not only is Big Brother watching you; you're neighbours might be as well. I say this because recently Kuala Lumpur police chief DCP Datuk Mohmad Salleh advised all residents and landlords of condominiums and flats to keep an eye out for their neighbours and tenants.

This is because according to him “In Kuala Lumpur it has become a trend, especially foreigners namely Iranians and Nigerians, to rent condominiums or apartments and turn them into drug processing centres,” he said at a recent press conference.

Why is he asking neighbours to spy on each other and foreigners. Can't the police just ask the NSA for help? After all they're already spying on everyone. And I like the fact he singled our Iranians and Nigerians in his press conference. Not all foreigners are bad; I live next door to a Nigerian prince and everything seems above board.

I don't know much about the law and I don't mean to criticize the police but technically haven't they broken the Sedition Act by specifically mention Nigerians and Iranians? According to the Wikipedia entry on the Malaysian Sedition Act;

Under section 3(1), those acts defined as having a seditious tendency are acts with a tendency:

(e) to promote feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races or classes of the population of Malaysia

I'm just saying the police need to be a little more careful with what they say. We clearly take sedition very seriously in Malaysia. Sigh..if things keep going on the way they are how long before we have a Ministry of Love and the Thought Police? (If you don't get that reference, then read a book people)

I don't mean to be seditious of course, this is just one man's opinion. I'm a patriot just like every other Malaysian. I'd just like to repeat that the Royal Malaysia Police are doing a fine job. And God Bless Malaysia and it's awesome people. See you next week..hopefully.

Here are some links for ya:

Alvin and Vivian jailed
Muslim dog owners remand is extreme
Police to investigate Hari Raya dog video
Meet Maznah, the muslim dog trainer
Condo tenants watch your neighbours
Caroline Criado Perez receives Twitter threats

So apparently this is a "thing" now..

Dear Japan,

Thank you for all the wonderful things that you have brought me and the World. Here's a quick run-down of things off the top of my head. The Walkman; the Game Boy; Godzilla; Sushi; Doraemon; Playstation; amazing vending machines that offer an interesting array of items; toilets which clean everything for you and of course the invention of True Blood which help to keep the vampires at bay as portrayed by the reality TV show of the same name.

But occasionally certain things pop up that I don't quite understand. Maybe it's a sign of early onset old fogey syndrome. I may be a youthful 25 but in my mind I'm just old-fashioned and stuck-in-the mud.

What's currently baffling me is the trend of eye licking (or Oculolinctus as the quacks like to call it) which has sprouted in Japan. Of course this isn't the first cultural trend from Japan to confound me. First it was the short lived “Ganguro”; girls who took tanning to a whole new extreme and were addicted to hair bleach. Then there were the “bagel heads” but which I now have to disqualify because it was neither a trend or Japanese in origin (blame Canada apparently).

Luckily for me (and this post) Oculolinctus is Japanese in origin (fingers crossed). Apparently it's supposed to be a sign of affection between couples. What happened to flowers or breakfast in bed? What happened to kissing like the French?

Of course I don't mean to single out the Great nation of Japan or its people as the cause of my confusion. There are many things in this world that continue to confuse me, the harlem shake; teletubbies; string theory; shakespeare; cricket and why no one in my family eats the first and last slice of bread. I'm going off topic. Back to eye licking.

Allegedly eye licking became popular after it was featured in a music video. Here's some advice from a somewhat intelligent person “Guess what kids, just because something appears in a music video. It doesn't mean you should do it as well. If your friend jumped off a bridge would you follow him?”. Gawd I sound like my parents.

And it is good advice, however clichéd it may be. Having someone drag their tongue over the surface of your eye may feel great but there are some serious heatlh risks. Here's a list:

• Chlamydia (WTF?!)
• Conjunctivitis
• Corneal abrasion
• Corneal Ulsers
• Blindness

If that list doesn't deter you then have at it. Just remember that Chlamydia Conjunctivitis ain't sexy.

P.S. Last week I wrote on my blog and Tumblr about how watching Kaelyn & Lucy’s youtube channel had affected me. I wasn’t expecting any “likes" so when I checked my Tumblr and found a “like" as well as a reply to my post from Kaelyn and Lucy it came as a bit of a surprise. Needless to say this had made my day : )

Link to last weeks post "A story about love"
Kaelyn and Lucy Youtube page